[Day 126] Something cute

As much as I enjoy watching gaming videos that are mainly horror based. I came across this game on miniclip out of boredom - One and One story. Just something to share.

Link: http://www.miniclip.com/games/one-and-one-story/en/ 

It’s a simple online puzzle game, based on a couple trying to meet ends, just a small game you can play to pass the time. I know some people might think it’s very “cheesy” but I don’t know, it holds a nice calm sentimental value. I like how the quotes in the game as you level up relate to how you control your character, if you play it you’ll know what I’m referring to. I love the art and soundtrack to this as well! ^_^

As I play the game it gets me thinking. About the concept of, getting the couple to work together and solving problems. Going through this journey and the satisfaction once you finally see each other (mainly referring to long distant relationships). 

OR it’s just a simple puzzle game and I’m just thinking too much into it, haha. ^_^”

But from time to time I grow tried of typical games, you know; dragons, shooting games, common online multi-player etc. I mainly have an interest in games that are unique, have a moral behind it/ interesting story or something that I can emotionally relate to. It just gets me really into the game that way. And I like horror games of course, just because I enjoy scaring myself haha.

Anyway, I better go back to my Maths revision x_x

Take care everyone! Hannah~

[Day 124] Looking back: School

This thought came to me today when I had my art lesson to just relax with my teacher and classmates since we have finished all our work. My teacher bought us a chocolate cake and made us tea whilst my classmate baked some lovely cupcakes ^_^ We was talking about what everyone is going to do in the next stage of our lives, with Higher Education/ Universities etc. 

It’s been nearly been 2 years since I’ve been at Wales High. I remember the first day there, my first lesson was Art. I was rather shy being the only new person in the class. I was nervous about drawing because I wasn’t sure what everyone else was like. But eventually the nerves went away and I made friends.

I’m glad I moved to Wales High School to do A levels because I don’t think I would have done well if I stayed at my previous school. (I’m hopefully I’ll get A*A*B) The teachers in my subjects are really supportive also the lovely friends I have made. Even though it took a long time to find a group of people where I felt like I belonged/fitted in.

I did move around schools several times, two primary schools, two secondary schools. I moved to another primary school because it guaranteed a place to attend at All Saints Catholic School (first secondary school). I’m not religious but I wanted to go there because at the time it looked nice and I was worried about being bullied because of my ethnicity if I went to the local schools in my area. I still got bullied… just not as bad. Next I left at the end of year 11 to do A levels at Wales High school for nearly 2 years where I currently attend. Soon enough I’ll be in university hopefully in September.

The sad part about moving schools was, I never really had a close long childhood school friend(s). Since I was moving, I had to constantly make new friends, find my footing as to where I belong with people. Leaving behind old friends for various reasons. But I made the right decision to go my own way and think about my education instead some people where they follow where ever their friends go.

I better go now, I think I’ve rambled on enough ^_^”’

Take care everyone! Hannah~ 

[Day 122] Entropy test

Sorry I haven’t posted for a couple of days. Sunday, I wasn’t in the best of moods and I was busy making my present for a close friend of mine in Hong Kong. Then yesterday I ended up leaving my phone at home and planned on staying over at my friends after we went shopping for prom dresses. Those who have tried contacting me, sorry I didn’t reply >.<  

Still feel really ill, I swear I’m getting worse but I’m sure I’ll recover soon enough ^_^”

WARNING: I PERSONALLY DON’T RECOMMEND IT IF YOU HAVE PROBLEMS WITH STROBLING LIGHTS - the flashing lights aren’t too strong yet I just want to make sure and warn people >.<

http://www.hypnoid.com/EM_entropy/

One of my friend linked this test so I decided to give it a go. Within a question, there are 4 different flashing images that are similar and you pick which image relates to how you feel about the question is being asked. 

To be honest, I did find it difficult to pick which one truly fitted how feel. Defining in my head why would I pick this image out of all the others and interpreting it from various points of view. So I did take it a few times although some results I felt it related to a certain situation yet doesn’t apply all the others in how I generally deal with them, some I might be in denial about, some did fit me and whilst others parts I don’t think is me. (I forgot to save the other results)

This is my second result: 

• You have a distinct sense of self-importance or an overdeveloped self regard. You nevertheless have the ability to make an emotional connection to others and are capable of achieving satisfaction in a romantic relationship. However your self-regard has the tendency to limit your emotional depth and to leave you feeling not completely committed or emotionally distanced. You do not easily form strong emotional bonds.
  
  A sense of helplessness is pervasive and detached from the frustrations of day to day life. A work or home environment is perceived as hostile and unchanging. Unreasonable demands are generating resentment and a sense of rebelliousness. This leaves you feeling both helpless and unprotected. 

I don’t know if this is really me, some bits are to an extend but not the way they describe it in here in my opinion. Yet it’s hard to say because I might be in denial?

For example, I’m very self aware and wish to inspire people in a natural way (not intentionally trying). Like one of my friends is very lazy and procrastinates. So I give him advice how I avoid procrastination and do school work etc because I want the best for him. Not because I think big headed about I work better than everyone else and look down on them in that way to make me feel superior.

… Unless what I just typed above is what it meant by “overdeveloped self regard” how I really view myself and thoughts in a deep level ._.” (those who read my blog(s) might agree?)

On the emotional depth part of the description is rather true. I can emotional connect with people and make close friends. Yet it’s rare to find people who can connect with me with very strong empathy. I only have a strong bond with two people (not sure how one of them is strongly connected with me as I am to them), although we don’t talk as much as we used to due to individual priorities. They are still extremely close to me. And to make this clear;

I don’t have a problem with commitment, it’s who I commit to. 

I’ll probably take this again in a few days time, and pick the answer in a natural manner instead of over thinking it too much. ^_^” I wasn’t in the best of moods today either, I do get a bit grumpy when I’m ill >.>

Take care everyone! Hannah~  

[Day 119] Restoring order and lending an ear

Today I’ve been sorting out my room, putting my art stuff a side ready for maths revision. The past few months my room was just buried underneath art materials where I had to leap on my bed so I wouldn’t step on my work haha but now I can finally restore order to my room. I don’t know why but I enjoy tidying and organise stuff. My room starts off neat then over time, it begins to pile up with my school work everywhere for while, eventually I’d get sick of it and clean it all up. 

Also I got the chance to talk to my close friend in Hong Kong, and I’ve been meaning to send her something for a while but only once I had finish my art and photography work. Now I have more time to make it ^_^ I’ve got an awesome idea what to send her! ^_^ need to get the materials tomorrow.

Then later on in the evening, my friend texted me since he was feeling down and stuff happened :( I haven’t spoken to him for ages since I disappeared to concentrate on school. I lend an ear to him and talked on the phone for abit, hopefully I cheered him up. I know and can tell he’s been through some really rough times, it was a privilege that he came to me and really trusts me despite we might not have known each other that very long.

So if you guys are feeling down or need to talk to someone, I’m here ^_^ I may not be the best at it but I try ^_^” 

I guess that’s it for today then.

Take care everyone! Hannah ~ 

[Day 118] The weight off my shoulders

….Hello?
Wow looking back at my last entry, left my blog looking depressed for awhile…

Anyway, I have never felt so much weight off my shoulders in a long time. Today was my deadline for all my Art and Photography exam work, meaning I have complete my A levels! All I can do now is hope for the best that my grades will turn out as I hoped for them to be (A*). I especially worked myself to the bone this week to make sure everything was finished by today. Staying up till 1am - 4am, not eating much because I would be working through my lunch and staying after school although I normally stay after school anyway. 

Since I get 10 hours worth of free lessons now, I can focus on Maths which I need to achieve a B. But I asked if I could come into the other Maths group in order the catch up for the time I put into the other two subjects. Although I can’t rest completely until my exams are over, at least it takes off the intense pressure from before.

As for my EPQ project it  went successfully!, I did a presentation a few weeks back now and I’ve completed that course too. My teacher said it’s arguably an A* grade, hopefully the examiners will agree on this as well *fingers cross*. 

For the time being now I can finally relax over this weekend without a guilty conscience to do art/photography and now I’m able to truly enjoy doing art for fun (until I get to uni) since the past 4 years my work was purely dedicated to school work apart from the odd pieces I did out of spare time I rarely have. But currently I’m rather ill and have a cold, been sneezing none stop since I got home x_x The weather hasn’t been great with all the rain, at least I can rest for now.

When I returned home, I ended up having a 5 hour nap ._. more than what I had last night haha. But finally I can come out of the cave and spend a bit more time socialising since most of the time I’ve isolated myself from people due to work.   But right now I need some Me time and get well ^_^

Oh! And my maths teach ended my school day well by giving me a free hello kitty keyring and cute folder haha ( stuff his form tutor are selling to raise money :X )

Expect to see more post from my blog now ^_^ - if I don’t forget >.<

Take care everyone! Hannah~ ^_^ 

[Day 63] My parents don’t really know me.

Not really the best evening I’ll tell you that. Beware this is probably going to be an emotional post so I do apologise in advance that it’s not a fun read.

Just had a stupid argument/shouting with Mum, currently I locked myself in my room by shoving a door in front of it so I could be left alone. Only the 2nd time I’ve done this. Anyway…

For the most, on personal issues or in general I tend to feel rather misunderstood by my parents. Majority of the time by my Mum, since I don’t talk to my Dad that often. But my Dad can be very complicated and awkward at times. Don’t get me wrong, I still love my parents very much so. Nor am I saying I’m the only person who has problems with parents, I’m sure many people out there do.

I’ve very grateful of my parents for supporting me in my chosen career path as I know people kind of get forced into doing something they don’t want to do just because of their parents. 

I work really hard for school, not just for myself but to make my parents proud of me. One of my long term goals since I was young, I intend to hopefully achieve a successful job where I can financially support my parents so they don’t have to work no more. That one day once I’ve achieve this I hope to say;

Thank you for fulfilling all my wants, my needs in life. Giving me opportunities other kids didn’t get. Now it’s my turn to give back what you to gave me. And I hope I made you proud.

Ahh man, I keep crying as I write this…

I fully well know that my parents work extremely hard, especially my mum. For the long hours they work we don’t get a lot. And I appreciate their efforts, I always take care of my money (as well as not being a materialistic person).

But one of the things that gets me the most inside. For example, when my mum gets very angry at me for (in my opinion) minor things. Shouting at me and putting words in my mouth that isn’t me! Saying; I’m useless, stupid, careless, I don’t think about how hard she works, she’s the one that suffers the most and so forth…

I either stay quiet and just take it all in or if I say something the whole thing escalates, like this evening… which resulted to locking myself in my room.

The thing is, inside my heart it’s screaming out crying, “I do care, I’m not all those things you say. That’s not me, I try I really do. I didn’t mean to do what I did wrong. I never did it intentionally. Please just talk, why do you have to shout. I’m sorry I can be forgetful, that I make mistakes and I let you down. Please understand that. I’m only human.” but I keep it inside.

Even if I say those things while she shouts at me, she won’t listen. Therefore, I’m forever locking my feelings away. Even when I open up slightly when something is bothering me, she just doesn’t understand. I get in a bit of a mood then she starts shouting then this stupid cycle goes again… It has always been like this through out my childhood. And my parents wonder why I’m quiet.

After all the harsh things my mum says to me, I know she still loves me inside and I love her too. Even though that negative charged energy can carry through to effect me emotionally. But I try to stay strong because I know people can say mean things at the heat of the moment and not mean it.

We are only human.

Take care everyone, stay strong guys! Hannah~

[Day 62 part 2 - Themed Thursdays] 9. List 10 of your pet peeves

I know it’s not Thursday but I’m rather behind on it…
This one seems like a fun quick post I could do. Anyway~

1. Misplacing my glasses. You have no idea how annoying this is, I need my glasses to find my glasses. My eyes are pretty bad…
2. People who don’t close the door when they leave my room.
3. People who choose to believe fake rumours about me or in general for the sake of something to gossip about. Especially after I’ve told them the truth.
4. Those who look down on the Arts.
5. When one earphone stops working!
6. Who don’t take care of art equipment.
7. Rude/ insensitive people.
8. Parent’s looking over my should when I’m on the computer.
9. When my phone dies on me.
10. When I become EXTREMELY indecisive.

Hannah~

PS. If you like alternative rock music, check out Deaf Havana - I’m a Bore, Mostly ^_^

[Day 62] Ahhh… I’ll be back soon! ^_^” (Update~)

Soo… erm.. ^_^”
Where shall I start?

I know I know, it defeats the objective of the project to post everyday of this year. But at the moment I’m going through an very intense time with my studies as I mentioned before in a few previous post. Right now in the peak of everything.

On Tuesday 21st February [Day 52] I broke down pretty bad, where I ended up crying for nearly 3 hours at school. Rather not go into much detail but basically the workload I choose to put on myself went overdrive to a point it effected my health/ mentally…

Don’t worry! I’m recovering now ^_^ I need to stay strong, that’s what life is about - growing, staying strong and face what life throws at us! 

I’ve deactivated my Facebook, gave my laptop to mum so it prevents the temptation of (video) calling with friends. I even uninstalled my Skype on this desktop too. Focus purely on my studies but my twitter is active since I don’t use it too much along with normal texting.

Twitter: www.twitter.com/wonganout I’ve posted recent art work on there so check it out if you like! ^_^

And here’s the update!~

• Got all my offers from my universities, my first - Bournemouth uni; I need AAB (Art & Photography - A, Maths - B)
• Celebrated my friend’s 18th. Then again in London for a joint birthday bash with my online/skype friends ^_^ Although, it didn’t go quite as planned but it was really nice to see them again and made some new friends too~
• Ventured in a very run down part of Sheffield, whilst being on my own. It was for photography, a scary experience but fun at the same time. I even went upstairs haha.
• Will be joining the gym again with a friend, got to get into shape for my holiday to Florida ^_^ Once my workload has calmed down.
• Going to have private maths tutor lessons soon.
• Seeing one of my online friends in Nottingham after/during the open day visit for a couple of hours ^_^
• What I’m doing for my Art (Phobias, how we imagine things to be much worse than they are) and Photography (Archives of disappearing landscapes, how are landscapes change over time such as deforestation and where nature reclaims the land - trees growing through, as buildings decay)
• Planning my EPQ presentation for my Animation project.
• Dyed my hair a lighter brown with soft highlights underneath, with a full fringe. It’s rather short but It’ll grow into it properly soon.
• Today once I got home, watched more game walkthroughs, watched a Japanese film - Battle Royale (gory but good) then Courage the Cowardly Dog. Now here typing this post ^_^ Needed to relax~

Not sure when I’ll be posting again but I promise I’ll be back soon <3
Just want to deal with my school first. Education is a must! Work hard guys! ^_^

Take care everyone! Hannah~ 

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[Day 34] Playing a little prank

Sorry for missing a few days, I was busy going up and down the country for my other university interviews. I’ll go in detail in another post.

Today was pretty amusing! Especially in art, my friend Amelia and my art teacher wanted to play a prank on this other teacher. Because he always teased about her art work.

Recently, she finished making her cardboard sculpture of a huge baboon. Bigger than me I think so haha. And so me and another classmate helped carry him and get through doors across the other side of school before class ended. Then put the baboon in the teachers office. At first we had trouble getting him through the door but it was fine in the end.

Amelia left a note saying “Guess who! Haha!” then placed his glasses on the monkey. The teach will see it on Monday morning haha. Our headteacher came out to have his fair share of the laugh :P 

Doing art sure has it’s perks! ^_^

Right after that, my other friend took us out to eat for lunch since she got a new car recently. A little fun adventure and had our laughs :)

Anyway take care everyone! Hannah~

[Day 31] Celebrating~

Happy Birthday to my friend Anna for tomorrow! ^_^ she opened her present today but unfortunately I wasn’t on Skype to be there D: sorry! Me and a few friends pitched in to buy her a Fujifilm instax mini :D 

Soon I’m going to be at the very peak of my work load…*sigh* it really takes a lot of energy out of me. Normally I stay after school for an extra hour to do work but even then I sometimes use that hour to have myself a breather from everyone in the study room. No other students around being noisy, just a time to relax.

I’m still looking at plane tickets, probably go straight  on holiday after my exams. My last exam is on the 21st June also it’d be cheaper compared to July to August time.

Then had a rush with exchanging my train tickets on a different day for my friend’s joint birthday celebration weekend. Because I had them booked this Thursday for my 3rd university interview in London but my dad decided to drive me there instead (tomorrow is my 2nd university interview! ^_^) My friends are planning to go clubbing, to celebrate but I’m still 17. I didn’t mind and I insisted to look after my friends flat we’re staying in while they’re gone for the evening. Then take care of their drunken state when they come back haha. While I’m in London I’ll take the opportunity to do photography work and visit gallerias again for my school work.

My mum said no to clubbing as she doesn’t want me to get into trouble as well as being worried about me. I didn’t mind it because I was happy to stay with my friends over night. My friends are persuading me to go and get me ID. But I feel bad because I don’t like the idea of abusing my mums trust since she already let me stay over for the night. If something was to happen to me she’d be upset and of course I don’t want that. If my friends end up persuading me to go clubbing and get me into the club without a problem. Then I’d most likely stay sober, take photos and look after my friends really.

Anyway I’m exhausted~
Take care everyone! Hannah~